my own form of tree pose... gaze into the space and light and beauty of a tree while lying on your back in the lush grass of a field. or a path in a forest. and breathe:)
sunrises are magical, and definitely worth getting up for...once in a while
so much beauty in this place. it's easy to feel love and gratitude and peace and bliss here.
sunny happy me:
and now some thoughts and ramblings...
ridonculously, I have been sick again. Yep, that's twice in less than 2 months here. I echo a friend's thoughts, in the assumption that this was some kind of utopia where only health and beauty would exist. huh! not true!! I was knocked out flat with some kind of virus, with flu/mono symptoms that drove me to my bed for about 20 hours a day for a week. Not what I had in mind when I thought I was coming here for a rest! There were times I felt really grumpy, really lonely, mostly really sick during that time. But every so often, in between fever flashes, I would think, there is good here. For the first time in a long time, this sickness did not come with the guilt I usually feel. Most times when I get sick and have to stay in bed, I carry with me all kinds of guilt - I should be at work, others might think I'm faking and lazy, maybe I am lazy and just a wimp, I should be stronger, should get going, should be at work!!! This time, I didn't have any of that! partly because I was just too sick to worry about what anyone could possibly think of me. Partly because I'm in a place where it's encouraged to listen to your needs and honour them, to show compassion to yourself. And I'd like to hope that it's partly because I am learning to be compassionate to myself, to show kindness, to allow myself to be where I am; and to let go of guilt and self-condemnation, cause hey, does that ever really help anything?!?! nope. likely I got well more quickly and rested more deeply because I didn't berate myself - I let myself rest and heal as I needed to. so I'll celebrate that new way of being sick:)
AND, second great thing, I got to work with a homeopathic pharmacist here. After the first couple of days of feeling like death, I'd drag myself out of bed and stumble down the hall to his office, and sit with him each day. for like 15-20 minutes, he'd ask me all about my symptoms. physical, emotional, mental symptoms. what was I feeling? what was I experiencing before I got sick? we'd talk, he'd listen, and based on all my symptoms and states, recommend and grind up some remedy, combined with various vitamins and minerals to build up my immune system. the next day, i'd drag myself back in, and go over it again when the first remedy or two didn't work, and he was so patient, listening, really seeking to help. and slowly, we found a remedy that worked, when combined with Echinacea and goldenseal. and slowly, day by day, I began to feel stronger. I just loved that it was not an in-and-out, "take some Tylenol/cold-and-flu/antibiotic" quick answer. it was specific to me, to my symptoms, to the changes each day that was going on. how extremely lucky am I to have been so sick 100 feet from this man! it was so great to be able to experience alternative medicine in such a direct, easily-accessible, helpful way. i'm digging it.
so, yucky to be sick. no doubt. but some great came of it - I got to rest very deeply, I got to get away from the busyness and often uber-chatty environment here, I got to experience being sick without guilt, and I got to work with a brilliant homeopathic pharmacist. I dig this philosophy of seeing everything as an upliftment, as I wrote about in an earlier post. why not? if nothing else, it puts a positive spin on life! :)
And now, I'm looking forward to being well. I love how when I've been sick, I come back with a new vitality and appreciation for life and health. Today I went for a slow stroll in the sunshine (my strength is slowly returning) and enjoyed it. my body is craving slow movement, stretching, breath and life. Being sick gave me ample time to be contemplative and thoughtful, and even spinny and uncomfortable in my mind, and now that I'm slowly coming back to life, I feel solid and peaceful and confidant. Rebuilt, somehow.