beauty and health and food, oh my!

today is the one-week mark since I arrived here at the Himalayan Institute. In some ways, it feels like I just got here; in other ways, I feel like I've been here for a long time.

 First, some pictures. The top one is the auditorium, one of the rooms where we gather for workshops and hatha yoga classes. Last night a bunch of us hung out there and watched a movie, Kumaré. Such an interesting movie, I highly recommend it! It's a documentary, created by a filmmaker from New Jersey who set out to show people that they do not need a guru - that most gurus are frauds - that everything anyone needs to know is inside them already. To do this, he grew his hair and beard long,  took on the character of a guru from India, and gathered a following of people who thought he was a brilliant, life-changing guru. He created his own yoga poses, his own meditations, his own philosophies, and people flocked to him. Or at least to the image he'd created. it is a really powerful film. very funny in parts, very sad in parts.

 the next three photos are of inside the main building here - the front entrance, the beautiful shop for retail therapy, when needed, and the cozy library I get all my good reading in.

So for the past week, it's been busy! I've been adjusting to life here. I'm much more tired than I anticipated. I imagine it's due to adjusting to a new schedule, a new way of eating, a new rhythm, a new community. Our days are quite busy, Monday to Friday, with a lot of cleaning, veggie prep, learning, and activity. Today I had a rest day - no hatha classes, just naps and strolls around the property:

man, nature is good for the soul. so peaceful, so restful, so beautiful. the sound of the stream rippling over the rocks, the lushness of the moss on the forest floor, the sudden burst of birds from bushes along the edge of the lake, the sunlight flickering along the surface of the water. all so beautiful. it is so so wonderful to have the time to be able to wander and notice and appreciate it. I am grateful.

This morning we met Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, who is the Head of the Himalayan Institute. He came from India in 1979, I believe. He is this brilliant man, with 2 PhDs, who has travelled the world, met and worked with political and spiritual world leaders, who is the most down to earth, jolly, joyful little man I have ever met. He is very wise, very knowledgeable, about philosophy, history, politics, religions, and really, any topic you could care to get into conversation with him about. And he seems to be very loving, very kind, such a warm gentle spirit. It was lovely to learn from him this morning, about the importance of health, wellness, the importance of learning about ourselves, drawing inward, beginning to listen to our own wisdom. He said that even as we become aware, even as we pay attention to what is happening in our bodies, in our minds, in our spiritual lives, healing and wholeness can begin to develop. It can be that simple. Of course, that requires that we slow down enough to listen. To pay attention. To be aware. But in the very act of listening and paying attention, we cultivate healing, happiness, wellness. To pay attention to our breathing. To pay attention to how our body is feeling. To notice what is happening in our emotional state. By doing these things, we are showing compassion to ourselves. We are showing love to ourselves. And healing occurs. Not so tricky, not so complicated.

Every afternoon we prepare veggies. You can't imagine how many veggies 100 people consume in a vegetarian centre!! this weekend we'll also have about 50 people here for a conference. That's a whole lotta carrots, kale, beets, onions, bok choy, yams and celery!!! Yesterday I was on onion duty. 11 of us gather in the dining room and spread out on the tables to chop side by side, but onions are isolated from the group - I was banished to onion island. and chopped about 90 cups of onions. That smell may be on my hands for the next year or two. We also cut about 70 cups of beets, and the dining room looked like a slaughterhouse after we were finished. But have you ever noticed how beautiful beets are? when you cut them, the colour is so rich and stunning, and there are these beautiful rings inside. Hmm. This mindfulness practice has something to it. As we do our veggie prep, we're asked to stay mindful - to be aware of our breathing, to be aware of how we feel, to be aware of how our body feels, to be aware of what we're talking about. And I have to say, though it might sound a little cheesy, as I pay attention, I start to notice how beautiful food is! I start to notice when my breath is getting shallow and I'm feeling annoyed with the person beside me. I start to notice when I'm not thinking about what I'm doing and I get close to cutting my finger. I notice how amazing fresh kale and fresh cucs and fresh collard greens (what!!?!??! yes, they're big down here!!) smell, so clean and fresh and delicious. I have to say, it's only been a week, but I haven't missed meat at all, not with all this amazing organic delicious food! I think I could very easily be a hard-core vegetarian, if I had a team preparing my meals for me every day:)

so. week 1 done. loving the food. loving the learning. loving the surroundings. missing home, my friends and family and cats and apartment. craving lots of alone time, and having the space and freedom to take it. lots of thinking, journaling, questioning, processing. resting, adjusting, watching, observing. yep, i'm still digging it;)

first days

hello! Namaste, in the true Sanskrit yogic greeting! I have now been here a few short days, at my new home at the Himalayan Institute in Honesdale, Pennsylvania. I arrived here Thursday around 5:00, and it's now Sunday afternoon. I'm sitting on a big comfy couch in the middle of a fabulous library full of books about history, philosophy, world religions, health, meditation... heaven on earth for this booky:)

Let me tell you about this place. It was built in 1955, as a Catholic seminary. Priests and nuns lived here (supposedly in separate buildings...) until the 70's. It was then purchased by Swami Rama, the Indian founder of the Himalayan Institute. He'd come from India and founded this yoga and  meditation centre in Chicago first, and then discovered this amazing place, with its 400 acres of rolling hills, fields and forest, and moved it all here. The centre itself is in a little valley, but is surrounded on all sides by the mountains, big green rolling mountains.

I live in a little room on my own. It has a bed, desk, dresser, closet and sink: showers and toilets are down the hall. I live in a hallway with women who are residents here - some have been here for a couple years, some closer to 10, and some little ladies who've lived here since the 70's. There is a men's wing too... haven't seen much sneaking from one wing to the other yet... but I'm keeping my eyes open! The dorm hallways are whisper-zones, to promote and protect a meditative atmosphere. Silence is observed throughout the institute every day from 10:00pm-8:00am, and Monday dinner times. There are about 100 people who live here full-time - residents who keep the place running, from running the little café, to running the reception area, to cleaning, cooking, and keeping the grounds beautiful. Some live in the main building, and some live in houses around the property. There is a beautiful garden and orchard that much of the food comes from. There is a full health centre, with a pharmacist, doctor, massage therapist, yoga therapist, chiropractor and nurse.  A fully-functioning community for sure. There's a fabulous shop to buy books, yoga clothes, yoga props, chocolate bars and cookies:)

Holy moly, let me tell you about the food. We eat like crazy here. It is all vegetarian, but unbelievably delicious - apparently most people gain weight when they come here. I believe it. Divine salads, bean dishes, pastas... this morning's breakfast was oatmeal pudding - oatmeal with bananas, cooked apples, cinnamon, raisins, and maple syrup, with honey whipped cream (think cool whip consistency) on top. there's homemade bread at every meal, gluten-free options at every meal, lots of fresh fruit and veggies... I will not be wasting away during this time!

I've had it easy so far - on the weekends, there are seminars that we are free to attend, so this weekend I did a yoga class every morning, then sat in on lectures on the dynamics of meditation, taught by this amazing teacher, Rolf Sovik. Ate, went for walks in the sunshine, took naps, visited with the people who are here for a month like I am. There was a lot of down time. Which was a little uncomfortable at first - it's been a while since I had a whole lotta time on my hands to do nothing, with no one to call, nothing particular to do, no agendas or schedules. I found myself scheduling my day. It's a hard habit to break! But I am slowly feeling myself unwind, and enjoying the times now between scheduled things, to lay down, read, take a stroll.

Beginning tomorrow, life gets a little more scheduled, Monday - Friday. We have karma yoga (cleaning, meal prep, hopefully some work outside while it's still gorgeous), yoga classes, meditation, and a class each day with our group, learning from the teachers here about diet, nutrition, meditation, Ayurveda, asana, health, and various other topics I am totally geeked out to learn more about!!

So that is a little glimpse into life here so far. So far, I am digging it.  It helps that it's been sunny and glorious since I got here! Though it seems there will be lots to do, life moves at a very slow pace here. It is really great to be able to have time to eat slowly, take a rest after each meal, listen to what the body wants and needs, and have the time to give it what it needs. I am realizing what a toll stress takes on the body, and only when I slow down, do I realize that my body does not work optimally under stress and busyness and fast-paced living. I notice a dramatic difference, in only a few short days. Also, living in beautiful surroundings, being able to wander through so much nature, makes me feel so very happy and peaceful. Ah. so far, so good:)

I think I'll stop for now, because there are a million things I could write about already, learning, thoughts, experiences. I'll save those for another post:)

Be well, peace to you all! xoxoA

Now.

I was going to entitle this "The Beginning", but in reality, the beginning was a long time ago. So many things, people, experiences, have played a role in bringing me to where I am right now. So, "NOW".

A few weeks ago I quit my job. I worked hard at that job for many years, with the idea that once I paid off my extensive student loans, I would make space in my life to figure out what I loved, what I wanted to do, and what I wanted to pursue, without the "must pay off my loans" burden hanging over me. So I achieved that goal. And I quit.

I'm not going to lie to you, it was terrifying. On a practical level, I got used to having a bi-weekly paycheque that I could depend on. And taking this little journey means there is no predicable income, at least not for the next few months. I've been wise, I'm taken care of, but there is fear, for sure! On an emotional level, the institution I worked at was my "place" for 6 years. There were very good times, and very challenging times. There are amazing friends I've made there, and some people who, again, were challenging for me. But for better or worse, it was my day-to-day place, my people, my routine, my community. And leaving it felt like leaving a slightly dysfunctional relationship - though it might not have always been great for me, it was my life for 6 years. And frig, it's hard to walk away from anything you've been involved in and invested in for 6 years!!

I had some decisions to make - what to do with my time now that I don't have that job. I spent a lot of time thinking, discussing, journaling, meditating, listening. And in the end I decided to forego  my Master's in Counselling, to do what my heart was saying loudly and clearly: I want to immerse myself in yoga for a while. I battled my mind for a long time, flipping back and forth between what seemed the rational, "intelligent" choice, and what seemed the kooky, heart's desire choice. But you know what, I've always, in my heart of hearts, embraced the "Follow Your Bliss" philosophy, and this is my time to actually act on that. Master's programs will always be there, if I decide I want that path after this. But for now, I'm following my heart. I'm going to go be a yoga hippy for a while:) and that makes me so so deeply happy.

The last 6 weeks since my last day at work have been up and down. Times of great anxiety and stress and fear and worry. Times of great excitement, joy, and feelings of certainty. Tons of journaling, occasionally forays to my therapist, long walks in nature, longer talks and visits with dear friends, processing and thinking and feeling. A good dose of weeping, and a greater dose of laughing and smiling. I subletted my place for the next 4 months, to a (hopefully!) great guy who will take (hopefully!) great care of my two furry friends. I'm currently having a layover at my parents, where I'm enjoying a few days of visits with my family, including lots of cuddle time with my beautiful baby niece (also a Ginger!).

And then. Thursday, I drive down to Pennsylvania, to the Himalayan Institute (http://www.himalayaninstitute.org/). I'm going to be there for a month or two, I think, where I'll do a whole lotta learning - asana practice, meditation, pranayama, some cleaning and cooking and gardening. I'm hoping for some long forest walks  - the Institute is on 400 acres of forest land - nature is a great healer! I feel nervous - I can't really know what it will be like until I live it - and anticipation is sometimes a scary thing! I'm curious what it will be like to live with a bunch of yogis in a community, when I've lived a pretty private, independent life for so long. I'm curious what our days will be like. I'm curious if I'll be able to make the space to rest. I'm curious how I'll react, after having lived in a city for many years and worked in an office environment. I'm excited to live in a community where the focus is health, wellness and healing. Physical and mental health and wellness are core values to me - I want to learn more and more about these things, I want to further embrace a lifestyle of health and wholeness, and perhaps I'd like to be further involved in healing and wellness for others eventually. I'm really looking forward to being in a place where these very things are valued deeply.

I've consciously made space in my life to explore what I value and desire. Peace, joy, wellness, stillness, life. Love. I am so grateful for all the people and experiences that have brought me to this place. I am grateful to the many friends and family members who have supported me. I am so very grateful for my yoga community - my teachers, Roxanne Joly and Loren Crawford, and the dear friends (I'll call them sisters!)  I've studied and learned and taught with. I am grateful for strength, for hope, for faith, for love. For the many teachers and gurus who've come before, to write the books and share the wisdom they've received.

As I was driving away from Ottawa, after a weepy departure from my cats and my home and my friends and my city, I found myself driving toward the most beautiful sky and felt such hope and comfort and joy. Heading into the light:) here we go!

to connect

I just read a blog (single dad laughing) entry called the disease of perfection. The entry was beautiful, and inspiring, and encouraging. But I was most struck by the comments and entries after the blog. People shared their truths. Shared their stories and struggles and fears in a very real way. There was a lot of sadness and fear expressed. And there were responses of love and acceptance and validation. And it broke my heart a little. Because there are so many people hurting in such very real ways, writing to strangers. And perhaps many people only feel that they can reveal the hurt in online forums. And you know, in a way, it is so wonderful that there is a place for people to reach out, to express, and to receive virtual validation. And I have to say, as a believer in energy and shared consciousness, or  whatever you choose to call it,  we can feel love and encouragement from people, even strangers, from a distance. I suppose the internet allows that to be expressed in an immediate way. And if those words of encouragement and support bring strength and a feeling of being supported to those who are struggling, it is a lovely thing.
 
But it does make me pause and think of the issue of being disconnected from our own communities and families in such a way that people feel they have to reach out for compassion and support from strangers on the internet. Why is that? Is it that sometimes we are struggling with things (mental illness, guilt over certain issues or situations, etc) that sometimes those in our immediate circles simply can't relate to, and we can find others in the same situation who can deeply empathize and understand, by tapping into online communities? In that case, that is a gift.
 
But is it also that we have become so disconnected from our families, our communities, even our friends, that we don't know who else to talk to? There is anonymity online - I can sit behind my computer and type and weep and say all kinds of things, because there is no one right in front of me to feel embarrassed and vulnerable in front of. OOOH, but what if we could learn that it is ok to be vulnerable and awkward and weepy in front of those we are close to? Wouldn't that be amazing?
 
I'm going to digress slightly here, and talk about Facebook, but I will come round full-circle, I promise. Facebook is such a fun social media outlet for sharing photos, sharing stories, connecting with friends and family who aren't close by. But I have to say, Facebook fucks me up a little. Or brings to light my fucked-up-ness. For me, there is a strange desperation to share. to show people out there that I am living a fun, vibrant, adventurous life. Because of course, we don't post when we're having lazy, stay-at-home days, doing laundry, sitting in front of the TV, doing the simple and often boring acts of living. Even though that's how most of us spend most of our time. That's life! But still, the urgency to prove is really strong for me. I see what others are doing, and a terribly dark sense of jealousy and inadequacy flares up. oooh, it is ugly. But I can see it and accept it. I notice now when it flares up. and when my need to share and prove my fabulousness flares up. I think the desire for connection is perhaps one of the roots of it all. Maybe I need to spend a little more time connecting with myself, and connecting with those who are near and dear.
 
And really, what is this blogging thing, but a desire to connect, a desire to put thoughts and ideas out there, to somehow connect? A journal entry that others can see. A rambling philosophical monologue with no one in front of me to argue with or interrupt me. Thoughts and ideas and passions put out there, without an editor, publisher, etc. 
 
Is this just a different way of connecting? I can have fun and serious conversations with friends of mine spread across the globe. I can have a sense of connecting with my amazing traveling, journeying, adventuring friends, even if we don't see each other for a year or two. And it is connection. It's not the same as daily visits, daily interactions, daily tea or coffee visits. There is no touch. There are no hugs. That part saddens me. There isn't the spontaneity and silliness and in-the-moment foolishness and shocking rawness that exists when you're face to face, and that builds intimacy in close relationships. But there are opportunities to connect, to learn, to laugh, to play, to flirt, to inspire, over a keyboard. And, returning to the beginning of the post, perhaps, I can be more vulnerable and share things more freely, with technology separating me from the immediate worry of rejection when I share my true self.
 
And yet. I do desire relationships, face-to-face, where the true self can be shared. The silly, funny, sad, ugly, awkward, hurting, rejoicing, laughing, crying, raging, solid, weak self in all it's glory, with others in close proximity.  

Well, anyway, I am glad that people are able to share their hearts and hurts in a way that is accessible for them, and that others freely respond with love and compassion and words of encouragement and life. That speaks to the loveliness of humanity.

And I'll still enjoy my connections however they happen. Who am I to question the hows and whys and beauty of human connection?

but maybe I'll call my mom and dad more often.
enjoy your connections

lovely things

Oh my goodness, I`ve been away a long time! That`s another story for another day... But for today, this lovely June day, I simply want to share a beautiful link that may restore your faith in humanity, if you ever feel it wavering... Enjoy!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/pictures-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity

Time away

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my dear readers, I am taking a break :)

taking a little trip to the beach, and a little down time in my home, so I'm taking a holiday from technology.

Enjoy your days, be loving and kind to yourselves, keep moving and breathing and seeking out quiet moments to hear that beautiful wise inner voice.

See you in a couple of weeks!

Shanti.

all you need is love...

it's true.
but I'm not talking about mushy romantic "you complete me" love.
not at all.

I'm talking about love that rests in your heart, that flows from the Divine, that vibrates deep inside you when you sit quietly in meditation, or see a rushing river or a precious baby or your dearest best friend, or hear a piece of music that makes you weep.

I'm talking about deep love for yourself. Not cockiness or arrogance, but a deep, respecting, honouring love for who you are. Perfectly you.

I'm talking about love that swells in your heart, without any effort, when you know that you are in the right place, the right moment, that everything is coming together exactly right, right now and you know that your life is perfect.

I'm talking about the love that pulses in your heart when you slow down enough to realize all the amazing things in your life and you are overwhelmed with gratitude and you know that you are so so blessed.

I'm talking about the love that quietly sneaks up on you, when you hang out with a friend for long enough, and you share quiet moments and kindnesses, and you realize that there is love there.

I'm talking about the love that binds all living beings. Love for people you'll never meet, across the world, when your heart feels broken that they are living such lives of struggles. Love for animals that are losing their habitats due to human greed and insensitivity (polar bears and gorillas make my heart swell, personally). Love for your parents and siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and lovers and cats and dogs, that swells up, every so often, unbidden.

An understanding that we are all connected. That a beautiful spirit flows through each of us, connecting us with each other. A knowing that our lives are not really that different from each other - that we all experience joy and sorrow, happy times and deep struggles, light bright times and dark scary times.

Oh, if we could think on this. And remember that life is really hard for all of us at times. And all we really need to do is be kind to each other.

Let your love flow. Take time to be quiet and fill up from the beautiful Source of Love, open your heart and allow it to be filled by all things beautiful, and let the love flow. Cause THIS is the love that lasts, that fills, that satisfies.

Namaste, beautiful ones, love to you all!