I have to confess, I'm struggling with this one this week.
Santosha, contentment, is one of the precepts of yoga. Pantanjali, the man who compiled the Yoga Sutras, defined santosha as "satisfaction; satisfied with what one has; contentment". Nischala Joy Devi, author of The Secret Power of Yoga, paraphrases Pantanjali's description in the following way:
"when at peace and content with oneself and others (santosha), supreme joy is celebrated"
She goes on to say that if we have faith, we will find
"the peace that abides in our hearts, no matter what the fates bring...With this attitude, all things that come and go do not have the opportunity to override our joy. Instead, they metamorphose into stillness and peace."
Well, I'm struggling with that this week. For me, it's not a sense of wanting material things, being discontent without those material things. It's a sense of being discontent, peace-less, when things are uncertain. I've written about this before. This week, there is a certain uncertainty in my job, I have a busy schedule and am therefore not taking enough time to rest and fill-up, I am physically tired cause my sleep has been interrupted regularly by bad dreams and tossing and turning, and I am finding it difficult to hang on to that santosha. Instead, I observe my thoughts of escape, running away, telling myself the stories I do, where I'm going to move away from this town, leave my job, go find greener pastures, etc. I am an escape artist, in my mind, at least :) that's my way of coping.
But what I'd like to find, is that way to embrace and live santosha - to be able to keep that peace and stillness and joy, regardless of the circumstances, the uncertainty.
One way is to hang on to that faith, that all of this is temporary and will pass, that there is a wonderful purpose and path to my life, that everything is perfect, as it is. This is not easy for me this week - my negative, unhappy, dark thoughts are crowding out that faith talk. But at least I recognize it :)
One way is to build my life more carefully, so I can get the rest, the quiet time, the space to cook and eat healthily, so that the uncertainty doesn't rock me the way it does when I'm exhausted and a little physically unbalanced.
My practice helps with this. Somehow, I am still getting up each morning and doing my practice, which I feel may be the only thing that is carrying me through this, when all I want to do is run (or crawl into my bed and stay there for a few days). I am able to find moments of stillness and joy, even amidst the spins and discontent. I will notice those, I will celebrate even those tiny moments, and trust that more will come.
Nischala Joy Devi writes:
"For most of us, the subtler aspects of santosha elude us from time to time. Everlasting joy cleaves to us through cultivating the understanding that we hold the power to our happiness. Even if temporarily lost, our joy will soon return, as it is the lifelong reward for attaining wisdom."
I will trust. I will breathe. I will have faith, that that joy will soon return :)
Namaste.
Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Friday, 27 January 2012
Inside and Out
I am learning to become an observer, without judgement. This is tricky for me, cause I have a pretty loud Judge inside me. But yoga is helping me learn to observe, to watch, to just notice, without judging. My asana practice (physical postures) helps with this, my meditation practice helps with this, my pranayama practice (breath work) helps with this.
Here's what I observed this week. In me, and in others.
We have a habit of looking outward, instead of looking inward.
One morning this week, I took the bus to work, as I do most mornings. As I sat on my always-crowded bus, I noticed a young woman sitting across from me. She might have been 20, 22 years old. She looked really unhappy. She had sad eyes, her lips were drawn down in a frown, she looked like a discontented commuter (I get it, I likely look the same to others, especially on Monday mornings!!). Then, her phone must have vibrated, because she quickly picked it up and checked it. Immediately, her countenance brightened, her eyes lifted, her mouth turned into a soft smile, and a nice lightness came into her shoulders. She was uplifted by whatever came through on that text. I looked around, and all around me, people were on their phones, texting, reading, listening to music, checking out their Facebook, all those things people do with their amaz-a-phones these days!
And I started thinking, how easy it is to stay outside ourselves, all day long now. There is constant external stimuli for us, if we want to engage.
And I started to think about this young woman, who had seemed so sad, so unhappy, sitting there with her own thoughts, until something outside herself reached for her, and then the happiness came. There seemed to be such misery inside her (and I'm only noting what her face and body language were expressing), and she needed something outside her to bring her joy.
I relate to this. A couple of years ago, I became very aware that every time I felt alone, sad, lonely, I would desperately reach outside myself, to stop that feeling. I would pick up my phone and call anyone and everyone, until I could reach someone I could talk with. It was an urgency, an insistency, almost a panic, that I needed to get outside myself to soothe the pain of loneliness. I'd check my texts with a compulsion, to see if anyone was out there. If I couldn't get anyone, I'd cruise around Facebook, desperately trying to connect with someone, find someone who could make me feel happy. Other times, when I felt a lot of stress, I'd reach outside myself to turn on the TV, to numb the feelings.
But what I've slowly been learning, or remembering, is that everything I need is inside me. What I've discovered, as I watch these compulsions in me, is that every time I feel lonely, disconnected, or sad, it is usually as a result of my overly-busy life where I have not taken time to sit and be with me - I haven't journalled, meditated, gone for a walk, had a cup of tea with just me, in a few days. And what I've begun to remember, is that I like me. That I like being alone. That when I draw inside, and listen to how I'm feeling, and check in with myself, I can bring myself to a greater sense of joy and peace and contentment, than anything outside me ever could. I'm not undermining how important strong, healthy, loving relationships with others are. My dear friends and family are so important to me, and bring me great joy and wonderful support when I need it. But what I'm saying is, I'm responsible for drawing inward and finding my own joy, not waiting for something outside me to bring it along. That external "joy" is fleeting; the internal peace and stability is long-lasting.
We are an external-reaching society - look outside yourself for how you should look, act, be. Look to others for your worth, for your joy, for acceptance. And, as far as I can tell, it's not working so well. It has never worked for me. And with such horribly high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide in our world, this habit of looking outside ourselves for happiness and worth just doesn't seem to be working for many people. So, people, look inside! Just try it - when you feel sad, lonely, or anxious, try something new. Instead of hoping on that phone, try going inside yourself and sit with your thoughts and your feelings. Sit there with softness, kindness, love and gentleness for yourself. All you need is there.
Here's what I observed this week. In me, and in others.
We have a habit of looking outward, instead of looking inward.
One morning this week, I took the bus to work, as I do most mornings. As I sat on my always-crowded bus, I noticed a young woman sitting across from me. She might have been 20, 22 years old. She looked really unhappy. She had sad eyes, her lips were drawn down in a frown, she looked like a discontented commuter (I get it, I likely look the same to others, especially on Monday mornings!!). Then, her phone must have vibrated, because she quickly picked it up and checked it. Immediately, her countenance brightened, her eyes lifted, her mouth turned into a soft smile, and a nice lightness came into her shoulders. She was uplifted by whatever came through on that text. I looked around, and all around me, people were on their phones, texting, reading, listening to music, checking out their Facebook, all those things people do with their amaz-a-phones these days!
And I started thinking, how easy it is to stay outside ourselves, all day long now. There is constant external stimuli for us, if we want to engage.
And I started to think about this young woman, who had seemed so sad, so unhappy, sitting there with her own thoughts, until something outside herself reached for her, and then the happiness came. There seemed to be such misery inside her (and I'm only noting what her face and body language were expressing), and she needed something outside her to bring her joy.
I relate to this. A couple of years ago, I became very aware that every time I felt alone, sad, lonely, I would desperately reach outside myself, to stop that feeling. I would pick up my phone and call anyone and everyone, until I could reach someone I could talk with. It was an urgency, an insistency, almost a panic, that I needed to get outside myself to soothe the pain of loneliness. I'd check my texts with a compulsion, to see if anyone was out there. If I couldn't get anyone, I'd cruise around Facebook, desperately trying to connect with someone, find someone who could make me feel happy. Other times, when I felt a lot of stress, I'd reach outside myself to turn on the TV, to numb the feelings.
But what I've slowly been learning, or remembering, is that everything I need is inside me. What I've discovered, as I watch these compulsions in me, is that every time I feel lonely, disconnected, or sad, it is usually as a result of my overly-busy life where I have not taken time to sit and be with me - I haven't journalled, meditated, gone for a walk, had a cup of tea with just me, in a few days. And what I've begun to remember, is that I like me. That I like being alone. That when I draw inside, and listen to how I'm feeling, and check in with myself, I can bring myself to a greater sense of joy and peace and contentment, than anything outside me ever could. I'm not undermining how important strong, healthy, loving relationships with others are. My dear friends and family are so important to me, and bring me great joy and wonderful support when I need it. But what I'm saying is, I'm responsible for drawing inward and finding my own joy, not waiting for something outside me to bring it along. That external "joy" is fleeting; the internal peace and stability is long-lasting.
We are an external-reaching society - look outside yourself for how you should look, act, be. Look to others for your worth, for your joy, for acceptance. And, as far as I can tell, it's not working so well. It has never worked for me. And with such horribly high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide in our world, this habit of looking outside ourselves for happiness and worth just doesn't seem to be working for many people. So, people, look inside! Just try it - when you feel sad, lonely, or anxious, try something new. Instead of hoping on that phone, try going inside yourself and sit with your thoughts and your feelings. Sit there with softness, kindness, love and gentleness for yourself. All you need is there.
Monday, 23 January 2012
a love affair with nature
I have been having a love affair with nature for as long as I can remember. In our family, I was the one who jumped at every chance to get out and wander through the forests that surrounded our house. I loved finding a path through the woods that I'd never encountered, and always imagined/wished that I was the first person who'd ever stepped foot along that way. It would instantly bring to mind what it must have been like to be explorers in this beautiful country, centuries ago, to truly tread where very few humans had been before.
When feeling the overwhelming angst of being a young teen in a small town, or when feeling smothered by the "horror" of having a loving, supportive family, I would take off out the door, summer or winter, and run to the forest, wandering, stopping every so often to listen to the quietness around me, occasionally sitting on a fallen log to see what birds or wildlife would appear. Very quickly, I would begin to feel quiet inside again.
When I first left my rural home for university and found myself in the middle of the city of Windsor, I felt a very physical yearning for the trees and rocks and fields and rivers of home. I couldn't wait for school holidays, for that moment when I would drive into my region and see the hills and forests and lakes and wide open spaces. It was an actual physical ache, when I was away from that part of my life; I felt cut-off, disconnected when I was in the middle of the city.
As an adult, when I'd feel overwhelmed with a too-busy work schedule, or overstimulated by an overactive social life, I'd take off into a forest on my own, wandering with no plan, and would feel the urge to find a sturdy tree and wrap my arms around it and just rest there. And within minutes, I would begin to feel stillness.
After a very painful, heart-breaking breakup years ago, I found myself wandering down to a beach in the middle of March, watching the huge waves crash against the rocks along the shore, and felt such a connection with the water, broiling, angry, loud, messy, crashing, expressing, raging. It brought such comfort to me, such peace, such a sense of connection. Like I had found a comrade, a kindred spirit in the waves.
And in all these instances, there is always a stillness in my heart and mind, within about 2 minutes of connecting with nature. All my anxiety, all my concerns about shoulds and coulds and what-ifs fade away, immediately. My mind and heart become quiet, and then I begin to "hear" lessons coming to mind, from all I see around me. Simple things.
Yesterday I went for a walk near my home in Ottawa, and saw this rushing water. It was a section of water coming out from under some ice, heading toward a power dam. Where the water came out from the ice, it was ripply, slow moving, gentle. Then it transformed into these thick, smooth, silky ribbons, and brought to mind the image of the satiny flow of molasses. Then, it suddenly become frothy and churned with white caps. Within about 50 feet, the water changed appearance three times. I thought about how the water itself hadn't changed at all - at it's root, at it's core, it was still completely water, unchanged, fundamentally. But with the circumstances it ran into (the ice, the rock formations below, the rocks jutting out of the water), the way it behaved and it's appearance changed.
And I started thinking... is this true of we humans? Regardless of what life can throw at us, we are, at our core, our True Highest Self. Fundamentally, who we are does not change. Light, Love, Beauty, Life. That is unchanging. However, circumstances come along. The families we're born into, interactions with friends and unfriends, traumas, abuse, blessings, all these things can change the way we appear and act. Some people may have circumstances that manifest in their lives as raging waves, broiling seas, angry whitecaps. Some people may have circumstances that lead them to appear as smooth, silky, rich ribbons of ease. And we can all look and appear in different ways, at different times in our lives. Sometimes those appearances can rock us - we think "I'm so angry/out-of-control/nasty right now, I am a terrible person, I'm no good, no one loves me cause I don't deserve to be loved".
But I think the truth is, that even when our appearance seems a little rough or messy, we remain, at our core, unchanged. We are still that lovely, perfect, pure Self. Bumped around, altered a bit by the rocks we've run up against in our lives. But still solidly, fundamentally, ourselves. So, when you start to see behaviour manifesting, be aware of it, notice if it is simply a reaction to the circumstances in your life (maybe in the present, maybe from far back in your past), and then come back to rest in the knowledge that you are still YOU. Wonderful, lovely, perfect, beautiful. Unchanged. Just like that H2O!
I am grateful for the wonderful insights I receive, when I get soothed and quieted by Nature. She is the perfect teacher.
Monday, 16 January 2012
the old patterns...
Last week I wrote about softening. About letting go of grasping. It's a hard habit to break, I have to confess! I woke up this morning thinking and planning and worrying and fretting about all I had to do, and all I have planned in the next few weeks. I started out the year (only a short two weeks ago!) with a very quiet feeling inside, that I would just let things unfold and evolve as they did... that I would NOT prebook every weekend for the next three months, as I had done in the previous year, which always turned out to be a huge source of anxiety for me. And yet, when I woke up and thought about the coming weeks, I realized I had jumped back into my old patterns and rhythms. A speaker I heard at the Himalayan Institute at New Year's talked about it being like the grooves in a record - as we make patterns in our lives, ways of living, those become like grooves, and the needle plays those same grooves over and over and over again. Until we wake up and realize that groove is not working for us, not bringing about the peace and stillness we may deeply desire. This groove, well-worn and well-established, of planning and doing and packing my schedule so full, is deep. I had two weeks of feeling free of it, yet I became aware this morning, that I'm playing the old song again, even when I KNOW that is not the way I want to live!
In yoga, these old grooves, these patterns, are called samskaras: general patterns, as well as individual ideas, impressions, or actions. Yoga philosophy speaks of various ways of overcoming our samskaras, or of breaking their hold and repetitive patterns in our lives. Here are two great articles about this: http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318 and http://www.freddiewyndhamyoga.com/philosophy/samskaras.php. But as a simple step, bringing awareness to the samskaras is very powerful. Awareness, and then a vigilance to live differently. Each time I choose to step away from that groove, to change my thoughts or actions, the pull of the groove gets weaker and weaker, until, eventually, it has no power anymore.
I am aware of this samskara - this habit, and occasional compulsion - to book and book and schedule myself until I can't breathe. It has to do with needing to feel important, needing to feel connected, needing to have plans, needing to be in control. Oh so many things I think I need! :) But as I follow these "needs", and try to fill the needs with plans and busyness, I end up feeling empty, exhausted, pulled in too many directions, anxious. And, I know, that when I let go of the grasping and planning, when I DON'T plan my weekends up for the next three months, I feel a great sense of relief and rest and stillness inside. I have space to breathe and rest, and often really wonderful connections and meetings and events come, in the moment, that I am able to enjoy and take part in. Because they came as part of the flow, not as part of my scheduled grasping and holding. Ahhhh.
Old habits are hard to break :) And I will choose softness, even in noticing that - I won't beat myself up, I won't berate myself. I will simply, softly, observe and be aware. And then choose to step out of that groove :)
In yoga, these old grooves, these patterns, are called samskaras: general patterns, as well as individual ideas, impressions, or actions. Yoga philosophy speaks of various ways of overcoming our samskaras, or of breaking their hold and repetitive patterns in our lives. Here are two great articles about this: http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318 and http://www.freddiewyndhamyoga.com/philosophy/samskaras.php. But as a simple step, bringing awareness to the samskaras is very powerful. Awareness, and then a vigilance to live differently. Each time I choose to step away from that groove, to change my thoughts or actions, the pull of the groove gets weaker and weaker, until, eventually, it has no power anymore.
I am aware of this samskara - this habit, and occasional compulsion - to book and book and schedule myself until I can't breathe. It has to do with needing to feel important, needing to feel connected, needing to have plans, needing to be in control. Oh so many things I think I need! :) But as I follow these "needs", and try to fill the needs with plans and busyness, I end up feeling empty, exhausted, pulled in too many directions, anxious. And, I know, that when I let go of the grasping and planning, when I DON'T plan my weekends up for the next three months, I feel a great sense of relief and rest and stillness inside. I have space to breathe and rest, and often really wonderful connections and meetings and events come, in the moment, that I am able to enjoy and take part in. Because they came as part of the flow, not as part of my scheduled grasping and holding. Ahhhh.
Old habits are hard to break :) And I will choose softness, even in noticing that - I won't beat myself up, I won't berate myself. I will simply, softly, observe and be aware. And then choose to step out of that groove :)
Friday, 6 January 2012
to thine own self be true...
There is just one life for each of us: our own. ~Euripides
Yoga teaches me so many things. Last night, it reminded me of the importance of being true to myself. To recognize that we are all unique beings, living our own lives, our own paths, and we have only to be true that that.
I teach yoga. I love sharing the teachings of yoga. For me, yoga is not so much about the physical. For me, it's not so much about twisting into crazy poses or holding my body weight on one arm, or building a tight, svelt body. For some people, it is, and that's their journey. But for me, it's always been about connecting with my breath, finding a place of stillness and quiet, developing love for myself and my body, being able to soften and breathe and allow love to flow. I love the history and philosophy of yoga. I love the spirit behind it. When I teach people, it is always with a focus on kindness and softness - kindness towards ourselves, acceptance of what's happening right now, without judgement. Softening the intensity in how we hold ourselves, how we breathe, how we live. If people leave my class feeling more centered, more peaceful, more joyous, and a little blissed out, I feel delighted. That is the gift that yoga gives me, and that's the gift I want others to discover.
Last night, I taught a beginner's class, and then a restorative class. Neither class was about accomplishment - they were about connecting with the breath, watching the body and breath become united in movement, and bringing our minds to a place of rest and stillness.
There were other classes going on in the studio at the same time, powerful, strong, active, hot classes. The people, and teachers, going in and out of those classes, are super-fit, super-strong. And I found myself becoming judgemental of myself - "am I teaching the right stuff? these people look pretty cool; they have better abs and shoulders and arms than I do. they have tats all over them. maybe I'm not cool. maybe I should teach that power-twisty-sweaty yoga". Really, I was transported back to grade 7-girl stuff - power hot yoga is so trendy, so popular, so "in"; and I had a flashback criticism: "I'm doing it wrong, I'm not in the in-crowd". Then I had a little giggle to myself. Observed the thoughts that I was having. Then came back to my breath, and my heart center, and realized, nope, that is NOT where I belong. That is not my path.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
In some ways, it would be easier to follow what is becoming more and more common in yoga - super-fit, focused on the body, gathering large numbers of people in classes. These classes certainly do attract larger numbers of people, than restorative, gentle, or beginners classes do, at least here in Ottawa. And I'd "fit in" with the fitness-yoga images I see all around me, in the media, etc. But yoga is giving me the courage to really open my eyes and see who I am. See what is truly important to me. And stay true to that.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955
Monday, 19 December 2011
uncertainty
"uncertainty is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom"
~Deepak Chopra
I am in such a strange season of uncertainty. Uncertainty about relationships, about jobs, about this path I'm on. Uncertainty about myself - who am I, what am I doing here, where is my life going? Why do I seem to go around the same mountain, again and again?
In my season of uncertainty, I respond in various ways.
First, I become a bit obsessive about trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out the right way, the right path, the solution to my uncertainty. There is a tremendous amount of anxious energy in this obsession of mine. I read articles, books, desperately question friends and wise people, strive, grasp at anything outside of me that I hope will bring me an answer.
Second, I become overwhelmed with all the inspiration and messages and directives on how to create the life I want - images, energy work, vision-boards, intention, and then I crash. Because these are just more things to DO. More actions, more messages that I'm not doing it right yet, that I should be doing something differently. Not that I don't believe that these tools are very powerful, and we do create our own reality. I do believe that. But in grasping for the answers outside me, I get more exhausted, more frustrated, more uncertain, it seems. And it doesn't feel like freedom to me at all. It seems like more tasks, more things to do.
But what if, WHAT IF, I could accept my uncertainty as a gift? Instead of thinking I have to have it all figured out (which I do... eldest child sydrome, maybe... maybe just some vow I made to myself somewhere along the way...), could I view uncertainty as a thing to be valued? If I could stop grasping for answers outside me, if I could go inside and greet my uncertainty, and welcome it as a gift, maybe, just maybe, the anxiety and depression wouldn't grab me so hard?
Because in uncertainty IS a freedom that doesn't exist, when you're buckled into a specific, particular way of life. When there is uncertainty, there is space to dream, to envision things I might not envision if I was on a certain path.
And really, if I'm honest, all the grasping, all the striving, all the painful obsessive thinking, doesn't actually change anything. My life continues to unfold, in lovely, simple, always-beneficial ways, as I can see when I take time to recognize that.
So, things in my life are uncertain. There are some things that are certain - each day that I get to wake up and breathe again is a gift. I am surrounded by loving, supportive people. I have a lot of love in my life. I am supported; I am taken care of; I am perfect, just the way I am.
And, for the things that are uncertain (jobs, relationships, etc), well, there is room for creativity and freedom. And I guess that's something to smile about :)
When do you feel uncertain? How do you respond in those times?
~Deepak Chopra
I am in such a strange season of uncertainty. Uncertainty about relationships, about jobs, about this path I'm on. Uncertainty about myself - who am I, what am I doing here, where is my life going? Why do I seem to go around the same mountain, again and again?
In my season of uncertainty, I respond in various ways.
First, I become a bit obsessive about trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out the right way, the right path, the solution to my uncertainty. There is a tremendous amount of anxious energy in this obsession of mine. I read articles, books, desperately question friends and wise people, strive, grasp at anything outside of me that I hope will bring me an answer.
Second, I become overwhelmed with all the inspiration and messages and directives on how to create the life I want - images, energy work, vision-boards, intention, and then I crash. Because these are just more things to DO. More actions, more messages that I'm not doing it right yet, that I should be doing something differently. Not that I don't believe that these tools are very powerful, and we do create our own reality. I do believe that. But in grasping for the answers outside me, I get more exhausted, more frustrated, more uncertain, it seems. And it doesn't feel like freedom to me at all. It seems like more tasks, more things to do.
But what if, WHAT IF, I could accept my uncertainty as a gift? Instead of thinking I have to have it all figured out (which I do... eldest child sydrome, maybe... maybe just some vow I made to myself somewhere along the way...), could I view uncertainty as a thing to be valued? If I could stop grasping for answers outside me, if I could go inside and greet my uncertainty, and welcome it as a gift, maybe, just maybe, the anxiety and depression wouldn't grab me so hard?
Because in uncertainty IS a freedom that doesn't exist, when you're buckled into a specific, particular way of life. When there is uncertainty, there is space to dream, to envision things I might not envision if I was on a certain path.
And really, if I'm honest, all the grasping, all the striving, all the painful obsessive thinking, doesn't actually change anything. My life continues to unfold, in lovely, simple, always-beneficial ways, as I can see when I take time to recognize that.
So, things in my life are uncertain. There are some things that are certain - each day that I get to wake up and breathe again is a gift. I am surrounded by loving, supportive people. I have a lot of love in my life. I am supported; I am taken care of; I am perfect, just the way I am.
And, for the things that are uncertain (jobs, relationships, etc), well, there is room for creativity and freedom. And I guess that's something to smile about :)
When do you feel uncertain? How do you respond in those times?
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Fireball!
Recently, I decided to go to a Power Yoga class. I have to confess, I'm a little intimidated by power yoga classes - I really don't like to sweat or hurt. And I feel that Power Yoga classes are wonderful for fitness, but they maybe aren't really conducive for the primary reason for asana, or physical postures, which is to prepare us for meditation. Jumping and flowing and moving quickly and sweating doesn't bring me to a place of quietness and stillness in my mind or body. That may just be my experience, but...
However, I thought I'd try this class, because I think it's interesting to try everything once, and I've heard this teacher was amazing and could still incorporate yogic philosophy into her Power class.
She began the class with a lot of focus on the breath, which right away felt wonderful to me. Then we progressed through a sequence of backbends, that really honoured the principle of vinyasa krama, or intelligent sequencing, that prepares the body for the poses that are to follow. I was personally delighted to find that there was not a lot of jumping and fast movement, but the power part came from holding challenging poses. Which I was on board with, cause I could still find stillness and quietness in holding. It was a challenge, no doubt about it, but I could find the loveliness of yoga throughout the class. She was a fantastic teacher :)
I had such an interesting energetic experience with the backbends in the class. The room was quite warm, as the sun shone in through the windows, and as we built heat through holding the challenging poses. I began to sweat. To feel just a little unbalanced and a little nauseous. I began to notice I was becoming very critical, and very angry. Critical of myself and those around me, angry at the poses, at the heat, at my struggle to hold things. Some of this came from the room being so hot - according to Ayurvedic tradition, I have a dosha that is primarily pitta - firey, passionate, doesn't like the heat, becomes critical and angry when out of balance... yep, that's me. Red-headed sparkplug - that was a common nickname of mine growing up. So the heat in the room triggered some crazy energy. Then, there is the fact that backbends are very stimulating, energetically. They build heat, they open up our heart, and often our emotions flow very freely when we open up that front body to the world and compress into our backs. Backbends are pretty vulnerable poses - your stomach, pelvis, hips, chest, organs, are opened up to the world. In the wild, animals curl into themselves to protect themselves, to cover that soft belly, to survive, and usually only open themselves to express anger or dominance (think of a huge male gorilla beating his chest). So, likewise, when we bend backwards, exposing our softness to the world, it can bring up feelings of fear, vulnerability, and in my case, anger and criticism.
After the class, I had the expectation that I would be alert, bubbly, happy, ready to socialize and bounce through my day. Well, I did feel very alert, felt wonderfully open, but I had the deep desire to go home and curl up with a book, and not talk to anyone. Not at all the response I thought I'd have to a strong backbending class. But in chatting with the teacher after, she reminded me that 1)going to a Power class is outside my comfort zone, it was a risk, 2)the backbends do put us into very vulnerable positions, and 3)I had some pretty strong anger and criticism come up, and likely needed to draw inward to bring myself back to a balanced place. Interesting!
I love this yoga thing. I never cease to be surprised by it - by the difference between what I expect and what actually happens. By the complexity of my body and my reactions. By the beautiful things that are released, and then understood, through a physical practice.
Have you had similar experiences with a backbending class or a power class? What have your experiences been like?
However, I thought I'd try this class, because I think it's interesting to try everything once, and I've heard this teacher was amazing and could still incorporate yogic philosophy into her Power class.
She began the class with a lot of focus on the breath, which right away felt wonderful to me. Then we progressed through a sequence of backbends, that really honoured the principle of vinyasa krama, or intelligent sequencing, that prepares the body for the poses that are to follow. I was personally delighted to find that there was not a lot of jumping and fast movement, but the power part came from holding challenging poses. Which I was on board with, cause I could still find stillness and quietness in holding. It was a challenge, no doubt about it, but I could find the loveliness of yoga throughout the class. She was a fantastic teacher :)
I had such an interesting energetic experience with the backbends in the class. The room was quite warm, as the sun shone in through the windows, and as we built heat through holding the challenging poses. I began to sweat. To feel just a little unbalanced and a little nauseous. I began to notice I was becoming very critical, and very angry. Critical of myself and those around me, angry at the poses, at the heat, at my struggle to hold things. Some of this came from the room being so hot - according to Ayurvedic tradition, I have a dosha that is primarily pitta - firey, passionate, doesn't like the heat, becomes critical and angry when out of balance... yep, that's me. Red-headed sparkplug - that was a common nickname of mine growing up. So the heat in the room triggered some crazy energy. Then, there is the fact that backbends are very stimulating, energetically. They build heat, they open up our heart, and often our emotions flow very freely when we open up that front body to the world and compress into our backs. Backbends are pretty vulnerable poses - your stomach, pelvis, hips, chest, organs, are opened up to the world. In the wild, animals curl into themselves to protect themselves, to cover that soft belly, to survive, and usually only open themselves to express anger or dominance (think of a huge male gorilla beating his chest). So, likewise, when we bend backwards, exposing our softness to the world, it can bring up feelings of fear, vulnerability, and in my case, anger and criticism.
After the class, I had the expectation that I would be alert, bubbly, happy, ready to socialize and bounce through my day. Well, I did feel very alert, felt wonderfully open, but I had the deep desire to go home and curl up with a book, and not talk to anyone. Not at all the response I thought I'd have to a strong backbending class. But in chatting with the teacher after, she reminded me that 1)going to a Power class is outside my comfort zone, it was a risk, 2)the backbends do put us into very vulnerable positions, and 3)I had some pretty strong anger and criticism come up, and likely needed to draw inward to bring myself back to a balanced place. Interesting!
I love this yoga thing. I never cease to be surprised by it - by the difference between what I expect and what actually happens. By the complexity of my body and my reactions. By the beautiful things that are released, and then understood, through a physical practice.
Have you had similar experiences with a backbending class or a power class? What have your experiences been like?
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Vata Season is upon us!
Hello! Happy November. What do you all think of this time of year? We're entering into winter, here in Canada, and I have to tell you, my body is telling me all about it! It's interesting, before I began this yoga journey, I was pretty unaware of my body, and it's cycles and signals and such. I lived, a little cluelessly, complaining when I felt bad, happy when I felt good, but pretty unconnected with how my body is a beautiful communicator of what's going on and around me. Yoga has really helped me connect with what is going on. Awareness is one of the wonderful results of yoga. Have you found that in your life and in your body?
So, right now, as we enter November, late fall, and into early winter, I'm very aware of the desire to get cozy, slow down, and draw inwards. I notice that my desire for foods has changed. I really don't want raw veggies, salad, or cool things anymore, things that I loved in the middle of summer. My body is asking for warm oatmeal in the morning, thick stews and chili, and warm, rich soups. It's asking for a few more carbs too, which I didn't think of, so often, during the hot months. I'm being careful not to go too heavily in that direction, but I think my body is trying to fatten up for the winter!! I'm becoming a bear preparing for hibernation!!
According to Ayruvedic tradition, an ancient Indian tradition of healing and holistic living, the fall and early winter is Vata season - the season that is characterised by wind, movement, and coolness. And I see this, in so many ways. Our skin begins to dry out, due to the windiness and dryness of the season. There is a different energy to this season than in the summer - September and October are always such busy, moving, whirling months, as people get busy with school, work, activities - it sometimes feels frenetic. I find that as we head into November and December, my body is trying to find balance - to slow down, as I mentioned, to draw inward, to get all hibernatey. In the past, I would have fought it, I think, this desire. I would have judged myself as being lazy, depressed, a slump. But I think it might be the wisdom of my body, telling me the seasons are changing, and I need to go with the change. In the summer, I feel excited to be active, to swim and bike and walk and move and visit. In the early fall, I feel motivated to be busy, moving. But as we come into the next season, I notice a change. And I will accept that change. I will accept the signals my body is giving me.
Because, if you think about it, animals that hibernate need that time, to rest and heal and restore before the spring. Trees lose their leaves, appear almost dead, and become "dormant" during the late fall and winter, and during that time, there is rest and healing and restoration before the spring comes again. Hmmm. I'm pretty sure we humans are no different. We too could use this season as a time to slow down, rest and heal and restore, before the seasons bring us back to the busy active times. In our busy society, we push and move and stay active, book our social calendars to the max, work crazy hours, go go go. But if we take time to slow down, to be aware, and to listen to our bodies, they might tell us how to live the best way, for us, right now, in this season.
So I will embrace my hibernating cravings. I will eat well, healthy, and warmly. I will sleep, I will stay cozy. I will keep my body active and healthy, but it will likely look very different than how I live in the spring and summer. And that's ok :)
What about you? Do you notice differences in your activity level? What's your body telling you?
So, right now, as we enter November, late fall, and into early winter, I'm very aware of the desire to get cozy, slow down, and draw inwards. I notice that my desire for foods has changed. I really don't want raw veggies, salad, or cool things anymore, things that I loved in the middle of summer. My body is asking for warm oatmeal in the morning, thick stews and chili, and warm, rich soups. It's asking for a few more carbs too, which I didn't think of, so often, during the hot months. I'm being careful not to go too heavily in that direction, but I think my body is trying to fatten up for the winter!! I'm becoming a bear preparing for hibernation!!
According to Ayruvedic tradition, an ancient Indian tradition of healing and holistic living, the fall and early winter is Vata season - the season that is characterised by wind, movement, and coolness. And I see this, in so many ways. Our skin begins to dry out, due to the windiness and dryness of the season. There is a different energy to this season than in the summer - September and October are always such busy, moving, whirling months, as people get busy with school, work, activities - it sometimes feels frenetic. I find that as we head into November and December, my body is trying to find balance - to slow down, as I mentioned, to draw inward, to get all hibernatey. In the past, I would have fought it, I think, this desire. I would have judged myself as being lazy, depressed, a slump. But I think it might be the wisdom of my body, telling me the seasons are changing, and I need to go with the change. In the summer, I feel excited to be active, to swim and bike and walk and move and visit. In the early fall, I feel motivated to be busy, moving. But as we come into the next season, I notice a change. And I will accept that change. I will accept the signals my body is giving me.
Because, if you think about it, animals that hibernate need that time, to rest and heal and restore before the spring. Trees lose their leaves, appear almost dead, and become "dormant" during the late fall and winter, and during that time, there is rest and healing and restoration before the spring comes again. Hmmm. I'm pretty sure we humans are no different. We too could use this season as a time to slow down, rest and heal and restore, before the seasons bring us back to the busy active times. In our busy society, we push and move and stay active, book our social calendars to the max, work crazy hours, go go go. But if we take time to slow down, to be aware, and to listen to our bodies, they might tell us how to live the best way, for us, right now, in this season.
So I will embrace my hibernating cravings. I will eat well, healthy, and warmly. I will sleep, I will stay cozy. I will keep my body active and healthy, but it will likely look very different than how I live in the spring and summer. And that's ok :)
What about you? Do you notice differences in your activity level? What's your body telling you?
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
I'm Back!
After a 2-week hiatus from teaching, due to Birthday celebrations, a break-up, and a cold from hell, I finally got back to what I love best, teaching yoga. ahhh... it felt so wonderful to be back. I have to confess, my body is a little stiff and tired and slow, after quite a bit of time in bed and on my couch. But it is delightful, to feel it begin to open up and heal and lengthen as I get back to my mat, as student and teacher. It's a bit of a slow road back, but I love feeling the creaks and pops and gentle sighs of my body, as I move slowly into postures that bring me back into alignment.
Last night, I taught a lovely group of people at the studio I love best, Upward Dog in Ottawa, Ontario (that's Canada, for my lovely readers around the world!). As we head into a chilly autumn and winter season, I am drawn towards backbends and heartopeners, poses that open us up to warmth and sunshine and love. But, just a note, backbends are stimulating, so it is advised to do these in the morning or daytime, not before bed! You might have difficulty sleeping after!
I set Camel as my apex pose, as shown above. In order to do this fairly intense backbend, there are a lot of body parts that need to be opened and stretched and warmed up. Lunges, salabhasana, cobra, and Warrior 1 are excellent for strengthening and opening up the front and back body, which is necessary for Camel.
The front of the legs, thighs, knees, and quads need to be warmed up, stretched, increased in flexibility, before going to Camel safely. Inverted table, quad stretches, and lunges will help with this. All of these poses also open up the chest, the neck, and the front of the shoulders.
In yoga, it is so important to follow vinyasa krama, or intelligent sequencing. In a nutshell, that simply means that you identify what parts of your body need to be warmed up and opened up and strengthened before you go into your apex pose, and choose poses to do before the apex, that will prepare you for that pose, safely. The last thing you want to do is rush into a pose before your body is ready, or you can cause injury to your body. After the apex pose, it is also important to do poses that will balance your body, bring it back into alignment, and allow your body to return to rest. After our powerful Camel, students were asked to fold forward, and gently bring themselves into Child's Pose, where they could rest and bring their spine back into alignment after the backbending.
So, this is just a brief explanation of our fun backbending class. Hearts were opened, chests were expanded, and as we ended our class, we rested our awareness at our hearts, and said the following intention together, 3 times:
Last night, I taught a lovely group of people at the studio I love best, Upward Dog in Ottawa, Ontario (that's Canada, for my lovely readers around the world!). As we head into a chilly autumn and winter season, I am drawn towards backbends and heartopeners, poses that open us up to warmth and sunshine and love. But, just a note, backbends are stimulating, so it is advised to do these in the morning or daytime, not before bed! You might have difficulty sleeping after!
The front of the legs, thighs, knees, and quads need to be warmed up, stretched, increased in flexibility, before going to Camel safely. Inverted table, quad stretches, and lunges will help with this. All of these poses also open up the chest, the neck, and the front of the shoulders.
When I brought students into Camel, I reminded them that it is a good thing to underachieve in yoga, and especially if this is a new pose or they feel stiffness in their body. It is crucial to have a long, open front body and spine. The spine should constantly be lengthening, as you begin to bring your hips forward into the bend. Hands can simply rest on the lower back, or come down to hold the heels, as shown in the photo above. When coming out of the pose, move slowly, bring the hands back up to the lower back, and thinking of that long spine, bring yourself up to a straight back. In yoga, it is so important to follow vinyasa krama, or intelligent sequencing. In a nutshell, that simply means that you identify what parts of your body need to be warmed up and opened up and strengthened before you go into your apex pose, and choose poses to do before the apex, that will prepare you for that pose, safely. The last thing you want to do is rush into a pose before your body is ready, or you can cause injury to your body. After the apex pose, it is also important to do poses that will balance your body, bring it back into alignment, and allow your body to return to rest. After our powerful Camel, students were asked to fold forward, and gently bring themselves into Child's Pose, where they could rest and bring their spine back into alignment after the backbending.
.jpg)
May my heart be filled with lovingkindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.
I hope you enjoy this intention. It's so lovely, this lovingkindness meditation. May your hearts be opened and may you be filled with joy in this season.
Namaste!
Namaste!
Friday, 21 October 2011
Just sitting with it...
Yesterday, I wrote about disappointment. I felt a little lost, unsure, sad. I know these are common human emotions, common human experiences. I used to run from my emotions, as fast and furious as I could. When feeling sad or grieving, I would turn on the TV, eat some junk food, grab a bottle of wine, and drink it all, do anything I could to escape the feeling. And it worked, sort of, in the moment... but the thing that was causing me pain didn't go away. It just got pushed down and repressed, and often came back up in ugly, unpredictable ways when I wasn't ready to deal with it.
In the past few years, through my path with yoga, and just my own personal journey, I have learned the importance of sitting with pain and sadness. And just letting it be. Allowing the waves of sadness and pain to come to the surface, observing, holding that space so my grief can come up. And in sitting, instead of running away, the pain eventually lessens. It just does. Because I have honoured it, I have sat with it, I have loved myself through it. And then it doesn't have a hold on my anymore.
To let you in on my story right now, I just went through a break-up of a new relationship. No details are needed, it's a common story, you know how it goes, and the sadness that brings up. I do feel real sadness about not having this particular person in my life anymore. But as I sat with my pain, as I let the tears run, as I listened to my thoughts and deep heart cries, I realized that the deep pain is about so much more - my issues, my deep fears, about being alone, about not having someone to take care of me, about having to "do it on my own" again. And though that was scary to face, as those deep fears and blocks came up, I felt such clarity, such stillness, as I faced the truth. As I saw my inner fears. And as I began to see how those fears have affected the way I've lived my life, the choices I've made, the patterns I keep living out, again and again. And amidst my tears and sadness, there was joy. Hope. Understanding. Compassion. Even though this relationship didn't turn out the way I hoped it would, it was such a wonderful, necessary part of my journey, toward becoming Fully Me. I sat with my sadness. I loved myself enough to sit, and not run from the pain. And wonderful knowledge and truth came up.
There is a wonderful article, written by Thich Nhat Hanh, at http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1756&Itemid=0&limit=1&limitstart=0, which talks about this, if you'd like to read more. His article speaks particularly about anger, but I feel it's really applicable to any emotion. He discusses how meditation (sitting, being with something, observing) allows us to recognize our emotion, be aware of it's presence, accept it, and allow it to be there. He talks about the importance of embracing our emotions and showing tenderness to them.
"Once we have recognized our anger [sadness, grief, etc], we embrace it. This is the second function of mindfulness and it is a very pleasant practice. Instead of fighting, we are taking good care of our emotion. If you know how to embrace your anger [sadness, grief, etc], something will change."
Oh, I also want to give a shout out to my most wonderful, supportive, loving family and friends. It is so important to sit with your emotions and process them. But it is also so important to reach out, and be held by others. I am forever grateful to the amazing people who are in my life, who support me, listen to me, shower me with love and affection, and hold me up in these hard times too.
So, dear friends out there, it's all ok. It's all part of the journey. The beautiful, heart-breaking, scary, wonderful journey. Sit with it. Love yourself deeply. We are all wonderful, amazing people.
In the past few years, through my path with yoga, and just my own personal journey, I have learned the importance of sitting with pain and sadness. And just letting it be. Allowing the waves of sadness and pain to come to the surface, observing, holding that space so my grief can come up. And in sitting, instead of running away, the pain eventually lessens. It just does. Because I have honoured it, I have sat with it, I have loved myself through it. And then it doesn't have a hold on my anymore.
To let you in on my story right now, I just went through a break-up of a new relationship. No details are needed, it's a common story, you know how it goes, and the sadness that brings up. I do feel real sadness about not having this particular person in my life anymore. But as I sat with my pain, as I let the tears run, as I listened to my thoughts and deep heart cries, I realized that the deep pain is about so much more - my issues, my deep fears, about being alone, about not having someone to take care of me, about having to "do it on my own" again. And though that was scary to face, as those deep fears and blocks came up, I felt such clarity, such stillness, as I faced the truth. As I saw my inner fears. And as I began to see how those fears have affected the way I've lived my life, the choices I've made, the patterns I keep living out, again and again. And amidst my tears and sadness, there was joy. Hope. Understanding. Compassion. Even though this relationship didn't turn out the way I hoped it would, it was such a wonderful, necessary part of my journey, toward becoming Fully Me. I sat with my sadness. I loved myself enough to sit, and not run from the pain. And wonderful knowledge and truth came up.
There is a wonderful article, written by Thich Nhat Hanh, at http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1756&Itemid=0&limit=1&limitstart=0, which talks about this, if you'd like to read more. His article speaks particularly about anger, but I feel it's really applicable to any emotion. He discusses how meditation (sitting, being with something, observing) allows us to recognize our emotion, be aware of it's presence, accept it, and allow it to be there. He talks about the importance of embracing our emotions and showing tenderness to them.
"Once we have recognized our anger [sadness, grief, etc], we embrace it. This is the second function of mindfulness and it is a very pleasant practice. Instead of fighting, we are taking good care of our emotion. If you know how to embrace your anger [sadness, grief, etc], something will change."
Oh, I also want to give a shout out to my most wonderful, supportive, loving family and friends. It is so important to sit with your emotions and process them. But it is also so important to reach out, and be held by others. I am forever grateful to the amazing people who are in my life, who support me, listen to me, shower me with love and affection, and hold me up in these hard times too.
So, dear friends out there, it's all ok. It's all part of the journey. The beautiful, heart-breaking, scary, wonderful journey. Sit with it. Love yourself deeply. We are all wonderful, amazing people.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
when things don't go as we plan...
Sometimes I think things are going a certain way. And then they don't. And then there is sadness. Disappointment. Grief even. And I think, hmmm, maybe I should learn this being-in-the-moment thing more, and not plan, and not anticipate, and not get attached to how I want things to go... because if there was no planning and anticipating, there wouldn't be this disappointment and sadness. But how? I struggle with that. How do you live life fully, in this moment, and NOT think to the future? Guess I need to do a little more meditation and reading and learning and sitting still. So for now, I am in this moment, sitting with my feelings of sadness and disappointment. And it's OK. I won't die from this. I know that this too shall pass. As with the seasons in nature, where everything is always changing, so there are seasons in my life. Where everything is always changing. And all I need to do is watch, observe, see the beauty, notice the pain and growth, and be very gentle and loving to myself in these times. OK.
Peace.
Peace.
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Sweet wishes for today
"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love." ~Mother Theresa
A friend sent this to me, and I wanted to share it with you all. Isn't it a lovely blessing? What rich, perfect reminders in here. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Ahhh. On the mat, allowing yourself to be, in each pose, in each moment. Off the mat, knowing that what is happening right now, was meant to be. That there is no need to plan, figure it our, fix it - I am exactly where I am meant to be. That's beautiful and soothing to my soul.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. It's true, it is amazing and endless, what we are capable of. Really, it is only limited by our imagination. So by having faith in myself, ANYTHING can happen! By having faith in others, ANYTHING can happen!
What beautiful thoughts. I hope this blessing speaks to you in whatever way you need it to today. If you feel like sharing what this meant to you, I'd love to hear your comments!!
Shanti. Peace.
A friend sent this to me, and I wanted to share it with you all. Isn't it a lovely blessing? What rich, perfect reminders in here. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Ahhh. On the mat, allowing yourself to be, in each pose, in each moment. Off the mat, knowing that what is happening right now, was meant to be. That there is no need to plan, figure it our, fix it - I am exactly where I am meant to be. That's beautiful and soothing to my soul.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. It's true, it is amazing and endless, what we are capable of. Really, it is only limited by our imagination. So by having faith in myself, ANYTHING can happen! By having faith in others, ANYTHING can happen!
What beautiful thoughts. I hope this blessing speaks to you in whatever way you need it to today. If you feel like sharing what this meant to you, I'd love to hear your comments!!
Shanti. Peace.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
just stay...
I have been a runner. Not athletically, but as a way of dealing with life. In my actions, and in my mind. I'm regularly thinking of what's next. Instead of reveling in the beauty of my life right now, I think of what I will do next, where I will move next, who I might meet next. I enjoy my life, enjoy where I am, but I am usually moving on to the next thing, at the very least, in my mind. Can any of you out there relate?
I left my cozy family home at 18, and have been on the move since then! University years, teaching in England, traveling the world while working on a Cruise Ship for a few years, I never stayed in one place for more than a year or two. I've now lived in Ottawa for 6 1/2 years, which amazes me. But even while my body has stayed in this beautiful city, my mind is regularly planning when and where I'll go to next. I'm a little bit of a gypsy, in my mind at least :) In my jobs and careers, while I take pride and work diligently at whatever I'm doing, my mind is thinking, planning, wondering what will be next, when I'll leave. And, to be honest with you, in relationships, I do find myself thinking, how long will this last? Who will move on first? Is it possible, or even a good thing, to find "forever"? And, (god, I need to do some more therapy, or deep meditation :)), what if I need to run?!
I am aware of these things in me. Loving all parts of me, I learn to embrace these parts with compassion. But it came up in a most interesting way, in my yoga practice the other day.
I was doing my practice in my living room, on my mat, facing my sunny windows with a gorgeous view of the Gatineau Hills. I became aware, as I moved through my asana (physical postures), that I often only hold a pose for 3 or 4 breaths. I thought, let's see if I can hold for 10 breaths. Let's see what happens, energetically and physically. It's fun to play with your practice.
So I moved into Warrior 1, a lovely strong backbend. I focused on my balanced, abdominal breathing, and held. 3 breaths, 4 breaths, 5 breaths. And then something began to stir inside of me. Frustration. Irritation. I began to sweat crazily, and began to feel nauseous. I brought my attention back to my breath, and tried to talk myself through it. "Angie, you're ok. You can hold this. Just stay". It wasn't that I was in pain, that my body couldn't hold the pose. My body felt great. It was completely psychological and emotional! I wanted to move. I wanted to do what was next. I did not want to stay. My breath became rough and ragged, I desperately wanted to get out of the pose, I felt hot and bothered. It was such a crazy visceral reaction, to staying in one place! I breathed through it, held the pose for 10 breaths, and sat quietly, to regain my breath and my centre. What a funny experience! My mind became flooded with all these things I run from, the way I move through life, so quickly, always thinking about what is next.
What a lesson! Again, my asana practice revealed some funny patterns in my life, and in my mind! Man, this yoga is the coolest thing ever. I love all I learn from it. And as I become aware of the way I live, often unconsciously, I can allow those things to come up, and deal with them. With love and compassion.
I still want to run. Still want to move on to whatever is next. But today I am a little more aware than I was before, and that is one of the wonderful things about this yogic path. Because with awareness can come change.
Namaste.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Do nothing?
Do less and achieve more. Do nothing and achieve everything.
Whoa. What does this crazy quote mean? How is this possible? Isn't this contrary to everything our society embraces? My active, spinning, busy mind rebels against this thought. My need to be in control rises up against this thought - but no, I need to do, I need to act, I need to take charge, I need to do something! I can't sit, and rest, and do nothing. Then nothing would get done!! I alone am responsible for making everything happen and everything work. (sarcastic, yes, but I think I really think this is true!! how kooky!!) I can't do nothing!! And how in the world could I achieve everything, by doing nothing?
Let's look at how this relates to asana, or the physical postures. Sometimes, we go into postures with a lot of effort. We're holding a pose, and we feel tension build in our body, and we begin to feel pain, but we're going to hold it anyway, because we are used to "acting", to doing. But the truth is, if we're in a pose and unable to find sthira and sukham (steadiness and comfort or ease), our bodies remain tense, and we can't fully experience the benefits of the pose. If we can back out of a pose, find that ease, and just breathe, we will actually go deeper into the pose and our mind will become quieter and more still. The less we do, it seems, the more we "achieve". After a physical practice, we lie in stillness in savasana (corpse pose). In this place of stillness, of doing nothing, our bodies, on a subtle, deep level, integrate the physical work that was done before. Our breath quiets, our mind comes to stillness and quietness, and perhaps, we drop into a deeper, altered state of consciousness, where only light and clarity and beauty exist. In this act of doing nothing, we achieve everything. Everything that is truly important. A connection with our true, higher Self.
The truth is, this is the opposite of what our society embraces. Our society values busyness, values doing and acting and moving, in order to achieve. Think of the people who have the title of "successful" in our society. Usually, they are A-type personlities, involved in a multitude of projects, high-paced, their days are planned out minute-to-minute, and even their holiday time (if they take holiday time!) is tightly structured. They are busy, doing much. And perhaps they feel they are achieving a lot. Certainly, career-wise and materially they may be! But with such busyness, and doing, I wonder if they come to a place of stillness and quietness, ever. If they ever get to stop, breathe, and appreciate what is in them, and around them. Maybe they do, and if so, I applaud them! But the people I've chatted with, who live such active, doing lives, never seem satisfied. There is always one more thing to be involved in, one more thing they should be doing.
What do I know? These are just my observations. But take a moment to think about it, if you will.
I know, certainly, when it comes to life things, such as relationships, and job searches, and friendships, there are things I need to do. I need to invest time. I need to send out resumes. I need to show the people I love, that I love them. But I'm sure I can simplify. And I KNOW I can allow my mind to rest more. I've written about this before - my mind spins and worries and tries to figure things out. And tries to act in desperate ways, to make things happen. But, when I let go, when I release, when I can breathe and trust, I seem to "achieve" more. When I can let go of all effort, when I can stop worrying and spinning and scheming, life evolves, naturally and beautifully and effortlessly. Probably in the way it would have turned out, with or without my worrying. Except I feel peace. And calm. And clear. And quiet. And connected. To Myself and the beautiful Universe and everyone around me.
And perhaps, right there, in doing nothing, I have achieved everything. Hmm.
Whoa. What does this crazy quote mean? How is this possible? Isn't this contrary to everything our society embraces? My active, spinning, busy mind rebels against this thought. My need to be in control rises up against this thought - but no, I need to do, I need to act, I need to take charge, I need to do something! I can't sit, and rest, and do nothing. Then nothing would get done!! I alone am responsible for making everything happen and everything work. (sarcastic, yes, but I think I really think this is true!! how kooky!!) I can't do nothing!! And how in the world could I achieve everything, by doing nothing?
Let's look at how this relates to asana, or the physical postures. Sometimes, we go into postures with a lot of effort. We're holding a pose, and we feel tension build in our body, and we begin to feel pain, but we're going to hold it anyway, because we are used to "acting", to doing. But the truth is, if we're in a pose and unable to find sthira and sukham (steadiness and comfort or ease), our bodies remain tense, and we can't fully experience the benefits of the pose. If we can back out of a pose, find that ease, and just breathe, we will actually go deeper into the pose and our mind will become quieter and more still. The less we do, it seems, the more we "achieve". After a physical practice, we lie in stillness in savasana (corpse pose). In this place of stillness, of doing nothing, our bodies, on a subtle, deep level, integrate the physical work that was done before. Our breath quiets, our mind comes to stillness and quietness, and perhaps, we drop into a deeper, altered state of consciousness, where only light and clarity and beauty exist. In this act of doing nothing, we achieve everything. Everything that is truly important. A connection with our true, higher Self.
The truth is, this is the opposite of what our society embraces. Our society values busyness, values doing and acting and moving, in order to achieve. Think of the people who have the title of "successful" in our society. Usually, they are A-type personlities, involved in a multitude of projects, high-paced, their days are planned out minute-to-minute, and even their holiday time (if they take holiday time!) is tightly structured. They are busy, doing much. And perhaps they feel they are achieving a lot. Certainly, career-wise and materially they may be! But with such busyness, and doing, I wonder if they come to a place of stillness and quietness, ever. If they ever get to stop, breathe, and appreciate what is in them, and around them. Maybe they do, and if so, I applaud them! But the people I've chatted with, who live such active, doing lives, never seem satisfied. There is always one more thing to be involved in, one more thing they should be doing.
What do I know? These are just my observations. But take a moment to think about it, if you will.
I know, certainly, when it comes to life things, such as relationships, and job searches, and friendships, there are things I need to do. I need to invest time. I need to send out resumes. I need to show the people I love, that I love them. But I'm sure I can simplify. And I KNOW I can allow my mind to rest more. I've written about this before - my mind spins and worries and tries to figure things out. And tries to act in desperate ways, to make things happen. But, when I let go, when I release, when I can breathe and trust, I seem to "achieve" more. When I can let go of all effort, when I can stop worrying and spinning and scheming, life evolves, naturally and beautifully and effortlessly. Probably in the way it would have turned out, with or without my worrying. Except I feel peace. And calm. And clear. And quiet. And connected. To Myself and the beautiful Universe and everyone around me.
And perhaps, right there, in doing nothing, I have achieved everything. Hmm.
Friday, 29 July 2011
Money Magic
I am feeling so very blessed and so very fortunate. I feel like I am starting to understand, maybe, how things can flow in our lives.
I have a car. I am grateful to have a car, because sometimes I need to get places, faster and further than my bike can take me. But, my sweet little Civic is aging... and cars can't do yoga to keep their parts healthy. So it's beginning it's decline, I feel. I need my brakes worked on, for a little fee of $700. Oh, there are other things that should be done soon, but this is an immediate concern. Brakes, yes, I need to be able to stop effectively and efficiently. My old patterns of worrying about money come up pretty quickly in these situations. Where am I going to find the money? How am I going to pay for this? Yikes, the panic starts.
And then. I stop. And I breathe. And I remember what I know to be true. That money is simply something that flows. It comes and it goes. So many times in my past, when I've needed money and put that need out to the Universe, the money has flowed in. SO many times. And each time I am amazed and so thankful.
So when I became aware of my panicky thoughts, I stopped, and I took some deep abdominal breaths (cause that stops the anxiety for me!), and I simply let that thought out - Beautiful Lovely, I need some money to pay for this. Please bring whatever into my life, to allow me to pay for my car. If that's more work, bring it on. If that's a gift, bring it on. I won't worry about the how - I trust that money is coming. Then I went to sleep.
Yesterday morning, I checked my bank account on-line. And there was an extra $200, just deposited by the Government for my overpayment of my taxes!! I had no idea that was coming, totally unexpected! Wow!!!
Then yesterday at noon I taught a yoga class, to my fabulous colleagues at UOttawa. It was a beautiful, hot sunny day, and more people came out than have ever come before. And they paid, and my cup was overflowing!
I am grateful. I feel a little weepy as I sit writing this. Because I know I'm ok. I know I always have been ok, I know I always will be ok. Things pop up in life that we don't expect. There will be expenses, there will be payments to be made. And there will be a flow of cash. Because I believe in a beautiful flow of energy. I believe that there will always be enough. I am beginning to see that this pattern in my life is a wonderful, normal way of the universe. When I'm in need, I will be provided for. I never know how, and I don't need to know. It's enough, for me, to simply trust.
I have a car. I am grateful to have a car, because sometimes I need to get places, faster and further than my bike can take me. But, my sweet little Civic is aging... and cars can't do yoga to keep their parts healthy. So it's beginning it's decline, I feel. I need my brakes worked on, for a little fee of $700. Oh, there are other things that should be done soon, but this is an immediate concern. Brakes, yes, I need to be able to stop effectively and efficiently. My old patterns of worrying about money come up pretty quickly in these situations. Where am I going to find the money? How am I going to pay for this? Yikes, the panic starts.
And then. I stop. And I breathe. And I remember what I know to be true. That money is simply something that flows. It comes and it goes. So many times in my past, when I've needed money and put that need out to the Universe, the money has flowed in. SO many times. And each time I am amazed and so thankful.
So when I became aware of my panicky thoughts, I stopped, and I took some deep abdominal breaths (cause that stops the anxiety for me!), and I simply let that thought out - Beautiful Lovely, I need some money to pay for this. Please bring whatever into my life, to allow me to pay for my car. If that's more work, bring it on. If that's a gift, bring it on. I won't worry about the how - I trust that money is coming. Then I went to sleep.
Yesterday morning, I checked my bank account on-line. And there was an extra $200, just deposited by the Government for my overpayment of my taxes!! I had no idea that was coming, totally unexpected! Wow!!!
Then yesterday at noon I taught a yoga class, to my fabulous colleagues at UOttawa. It was a beautiful, hot sunny day, and more people came out than have ever come before. And they paid, and my cup was overflowing!
I am grateful. I feel a little weepy as I sit writing this. Because I know I'm ok. I know I always have been ok, I know I always will be ok. Things pop up in life that we don't expect. There will be expenses, there will be payments to be made. And there will be a flow of cash. Because I believe in a beautiful flow of energy. I believe that there will always be enough. I am beginning to see that this pattern in my life is a wonderful, normal way of the universe. When I'm in need, I will be provided for. I never know how, and I don't need to know. It's enough, for me, to simply trust.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
This Moment
This morning I was thinking about how much time I spend planning, anticipating, worrying, hoping, thinking about what's next. I observe myself thinking about what I will do in the next hour, what I will do tomorrow, what I should do in the next week. I find myself thinking "When this happens, it'll be better" and "When I've got that figured out, it'll be better" and "Once this is done, it'll be better". But funny thing... how do I know it will be better? What if I never get to that place? What if that thing I plan doesn't actually happen? Or, what if it does happen, but I don't feel that magical feeling of "oh good, now it's better"?
Do you recognize this, even in your yoga practice? I sure do. When I'm in Warrior 1, and my legs and arms hurt, and I think "I can't wait to get out of this, it'll be so much better when I can rest". Or when I'm in Triangle and I try to anticipate, figure out where my teacher is going to take me next. Or when I'm supposed to be sinking deeply into savasana and I'm thinking about what I'll throw together for supper when I get home, cause I'm so hungry...
And wonderfully, I hear that loving voice reminding me to come back to this moment. To connect with my breath. To allow my thoughts to float away so I can be present in this moment. Yoga practice is such a wonderful way to learn this skill.
And then I can try to bring it into my daily life.
When I start thinking how life will be so much better when I meet the man of my dreams, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that life might NOT be better, that I might NOT meet the man of my dreams in this life, and I bring myself to the delicious awareness that life is really really awesome, RIGHT NOW!!! That each moment that I get to inhale and exhale is perfect. There is nothing missing.
When I start thinking about how I'll feel happier if I lose a few more pounds, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that I might NOT be happier if I lose a few pounds, and bring myself to the delicious awareness that I can choose happiness right now, and delight in my healthy, strong, lovely body. It is perfect, just as it is, right now.
When I start worrying about my schedule for next week, how I'll fit everything in, how I'll be able to please everyone, how I'll make sure I get enough sleep (I love sleep!!), etc, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that everything I planned for next week might never happen, and bring myself to the delicious awareness that this moment is all I have. Really, who knows what the next moment, day, or week will bring. This moment is perfect, and it is all I have.
So I will choose. To be present. For sure, my mind wanders and plans and thinks and hopes. And those are all lovely normal things for a mind to do! But when those things bring unrest and anxiety to my mind, I'll come back. To this moment. To my body and breath and spirit, in this moment. It's all I have, and it is perfect just as it is!
Here are some fun quotes for you:
Do you recognize this, even in your yoga practice? I sure do. When I'm in Warrior 1, and my legs and arms hurt, and I think "I can't wait to get out of this, it'll be so much better when I can rest". Or when I'm in Triangle and I try to anticipate, figure out where my teacher is going to take me next. Or when I'm supposed to be sinking deeply into savasana and I'm thinking about what I'll throw together for supper when I get home, cause I'm so hungry...
And wonderfully, I hear that loving voice reminding me to come back to this moment. To connect with my breath. To allow my thoughts to float away so I can be present in this moment. Yoga practice is such a wonderful way to learn this skill.
And then I can try to bring it into my daily life.
When I start thinking how life will be so much better when I meet the man of my dreams, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that life might NOT be better, that I might NOT meet the man of my dreams in this life, and I bring myself to the delicious awareness that life is really really awesome, RIGHT NOW!!! That each moment that I get to inhale and exhale is perfect. There is nothing missing.
When I start thinking about how I'll feel happier if I lose a few more pounds, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that I might NOT be happier if I lose a few pounds, and bring myself to the delicious awareness that I can choose happiness right now, and delight in my healthy, strong, lovely body. It is perfect, just as it is, right now.
When I start worrying about my schedule for next week, how I'll fit everything in, how I'll be able to please everyone, how I'll make sure I get enough sleep (I love sleep!!), etc, I can come back to this present moment, take a deep breath, make a reality check that everything I planned for next week might never happen, and bring myself to the delicious awareness that this moment is all I have. Really, who knows what the next moment, day, or week will bring. This moment is perfect, and it is all I have.
So I will choose. To be present. For sure, my mind wanders and plans and thinks and hopes. And those are all lovely normal things for a mind to do! But when those things bring unrest and anxiety to my mind, I'll come back. To this moment. To my body and breath and spirit, in this moment. It's all I have, and it is perfect just as it is!
Here are some fun quotes for you:
Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.
Jean de la Bruyere
We steal if we touch tomorrow. It is God's.
Henry Ward Beecher
Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today.
Dale Carnegie
You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.
Henry David Thoreau
Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Acceptance
It's a funny thing, acceptance.
In asana practices, we often set the intention to accept what is. Let go of any attachments you may have. Attachments to how you think the class should go. Attachments to how you think the teacher should teach. Attachments to how you think your body should move. Let go, and just accept each moment as it is, believing that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Accept your body as it is, right now. Accept the strange, the unusual, the unknown, the uncomfortable. Accept what you perceive as your weaknesses, accept the emotions and thoughts as they arise. Try not to judge, try not to analyze, or figure anything out - simply accept. Be present, be aware, be the observer, and simply accept.
I don't know about you, but some days this is impossible!! I come into classes with expectations. I come to my mat with expectations.
Maybe this time I'll be able to hold my plank longer, just to prove I'm strong.
I really hope that this time I won't get so hot and bothered with the bow, cause I hate that sweaty, nauseous feeling.
I'm so terrible, my mind always wanders, this time I'm going to work really hard to make sure my mind doesn't wander so much in meditation.
Maybe this time the teacher will remember to give me a nice assist when I'm in downward dog, cause it feels so good, and I was so mad when she forgot me last time...
I try to keep a sense of humour about it all, cause really, it's pretty funny when we can track all the attachments and thoughts we have! And the truth is, that if we can experience even a few moments of acceptance in our practice, that sets up a beautiful pattern in our mind, that can carry into our lives off the mat. Imagine, living each day, just accepting as things come. Not planning, not worrying. Not judging our bodies or our thoughts. Not judging others, even if we don't understand them or they're driving us crazy!! Not hating on our jobs or resenting the tasks we're busy with. Just accepting things as they are.
Hmmm. Sounds really peaceful, really lovely, really impossible!!
But I will continue to believe that it is possible, and until I get to that place of enlightenment (haha!!), I will accept that I am human, I will accept that I do get attached to things, I will accept that I am great just the way I am, and I will continue to try to accept each moment as it comes.
In asana practices, we often set the intention to accept what is. Let go of any attachments you may have. Attachments to how you think the class should go. Attachments to how you think the teacher should teach. Attachments to how you think your body should move. Let go, and just accept each moment as it is, believing that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Accept your body as it is, right now. Accept the strange, the unusual, the unknown, the uncomfortable. Accept what you perceive as your weaknesses, accept the emotions and thoughts as they arise. Try not to judge, try not to analyze, or figure anything out - simply accept. Be present, be aware, be the observer, and simply accept.
I don't know about you, but some days this is impossible!! I come into classes with expectations. I come to my mat with expectations.
Maybe this time I'll be able to hold my plank longer, just to prove I'm strong.
I really hope that this time I won't get so hot and bothered with the bow, cause I hate that sweaty, nauseous feeling.
I'm so terrible, my mind always wanders, this time I'm going to work really hard to make sure my mind doesn't wander so much in meditation.
Maybe this time the teacher will remember to give me a nice assist when I'm in downward dog, cause it feels so good, and I was so mad when she forgot me last time...
I try to keep a sense of humour about it all, cause really, it's pretty funny when we can track all the attachments and thoughts we have! And the truth is, that if we can experience even a few moments of acceptance in our practice, that sets up a beautiful pattern in our mind, that can carry into our lives off the mat. Imagine, living each day, just accepting as things come. Not planning, not worrying. Not judging our bodies or our thoughts. Not judging others, even if we don't understand them or they're driving us crazy!! Not hating on our jobs or resenting the tasks we're busy with. Just accepting things as they are.
Hmmm. Sounds really peaceful, really lovely, really impossible!!
But I will continue to believe that it is possible, and until I get to that place of enlightenment (haha!!), I will accept that I am human, I will accept that I do get attached to things, I will accept that I am great just the way I am, and I will continue to try to accept each moment as it comes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)